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SEX AND PREGNANCY: HARD LABOR
The labor floor experience itself is a landmark event in any relationship, and it can impact on the sexuality of both men and women for different reasons. Maria said that although her husband was keen to be involved in the birth process, he was not expecting the damage that can result from a difficult instrumental delivery. 'He was right there for me right through the labor. The baby was in a posterior position with his head facing the wrong way, and apparently that always makes the delivery more difficult. Tony said he felt helpless because he really wanted to do something that would take the pain away for me. Towards the end the baby was becoming distressed so they decided to hurry it along with forceps. That meant a fairly big cut. Tony had never even heard of an episiotomy and he was horrified. It took him quite a while to resume intercourse after that. He couldn't bear to even look at me there until it had well and truly healed.'
There has been a revolution in birthing in the past ten or fifteen years. No longer are fathers expected to pace nervously in the hospital corridor awaiting the news that the baby has arrived, to be led into the labor room only after all evidence of blood and body fluids have been cleaned away and the baby weighed, washed and gift-wrapped for presentation. The father became the active support-person for his partner, providing the all-important link with familiarity in what can be an otherwise alien environment. In fact the pendulum swung so far back the other way for a while that any man who chose not to be present throughout the entire labor was treated like a deserter. There is still a lot of pressure on men to be involved, but there are a number of good reasons why some might choose not to be present for the whole time. Some men cannot cope with the sight of blood and may even faint or vomit; some cannot cope with the intense pain they see their partner enduring; some are just plain scared of what might happen. Birth is an intensely confronting experience for anyone and, if a man is not fully prepared for what to expect, it can be a big shock. That's the main advantage of antenatal classes —preparing both parents.
One father of two said he was shocked by the amount of blood loss. 'Thank goodness we had been to all the antenatal classes and seen films of a couple of births, so that desensitized me a lot; but there didn't seem to be anywhere near as much blood as Kerry lost. I kept myself from panicking by watching the faces of the doctor and the nurses. They didn't seem too concerned so I figured it was alright. I remember feeling incredibly protective, but at the same time useless. I wished there was some way to take some of the pain into my own body to make it easier on her ... something really useful. In the back of my mind I had this thought that all those breathing exercises and back-rubbing were just a ploy to keep me occupied and out of mischief while the staff got on with the really important stuff. Actually watching our daughter being born made it all worthwhile. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life, and I felt closer to Kerry than ever before because we had created this beautiful little person.'
Many women say that once they have been through the process of pregnancy and labor, sex gets better. One mother in her late twenties said, 'Before I got pregnant I was interested enough in sex, but I was pretty out of tune with my body. You know, I was never one of those women who knew when I was ovulating and I didn't feel totally comfortable naked, even with my husband. Actually, I was quite self-conscious about myself sexually. Well once you've bared your all to a bunch of virtual strangers in a labor room, surrendered your perineum to daily inspections and ice packs and sat around with cabbage leaves on your engorged breasts, it doesn't leave you with too many inhibitions.'
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